The Fantasy, the Fetish and the Asian Trans Woman
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Today’s blog was inspired by an earlier booking. 😂 I kid you not, I haven’t been asked to keep my mouth shut for an entire booking in a very, very long time!
The last time was probably back in Asia, when an expat booked me and wanted me to pretend I couldn’t speak English, not even a word! Apparently, silence was part of his fantasy. 😏
It definitely brought back some memories and got me thinking about fetishisation, especially the assumptions some men have about Asian trans women.
And yes… I clearly have too much to say. 😂
Let’s talk honestly about fetishisation, because this is something I’ve experienced for a very long time.
There has always been a market for trans women, and there is a very particular market for Asian trans women. I know that because I’ve lived it. I’ve had men seek me out specifically because I’m Asian and trans. Sometimes, within minutes of talking to them, I can tell they aren’t really interested in getting to know me. They’re interested in the idea of what they think an Asian trans woman is supposed to be.
And sometimes that idea is very specific.
Quiet. Submissive. Shy. Obedient. Someone who won’t say too much or challenge them.
Yes, that is a thing.
I’ve had men book an Asian trans woman because they assume she won’t talk much.
Unfortunately for them, they booked me. 😂
I have a mouth, and I know how to use it, and I don’t mean that in the way they probably hoped.
But underneath the humour, there is something that genuinely bothers me.
There is a difference between being attracted to someone and deciding who that person is before you’ve even met them. When someone looks at me and sees only “Asian trans woman,” they’re not seeing the years of my life, my personality, my experiences, my opinions, my achievements or the woman I’ve worked so hard to become.
They’re seeing a fantasy.
And I understand why some trans women find that incredibly hurtful.
I’ve had moments where I’ve wondered: Do you actually like me, or do you just like what you think I represent?
That question can stay with you.
But I’ve also learned not to give someone else’s fetish the power to determine how I feel about myself.
I know exactly what I am offering when I do sex work. I know there are men who specifically want an Asian trans woman. I know some of them are curious, some are attracted to us, and some have very specific fantasies.
That’s reality.
And honestly, I don’t think every attraction to a particular type of woman automatically makes someone a bad person. People have preferences and fantasies. The problem starts when a fantasy becomes an assumption, when someone thinks their fantasy gives them permission to disrespect the real woman standing in front of them.
That’s where I draw the line.
If someone wants to book me because I’m Asian and trans, okay. I’m not going to pretend I don’t understand the market.
But you don’t get to decide that I’m submissive because I’m Asian.
You don’t get to assume I’m going to be silent because I’m trans and Asian.
And you definitely don’t get to mistake my willingness to provide a service for an absence of boundaries.
I choose what I give. I choose what I don’t. Tonight, I chose to give you the silence you asked for, to let you enjoy the fantasy of having control over me, watching me obey your requests and play the role of the quiet Asian girl who “doesn’t speak English.”
For tonight, my silence was part of the experience.
That’s something I didn’t always understand when I was younger. Over time, I’ve realised that knowing your worth doesn’t necessarily mean rejecting every part of the fantasy. Sometimes it means understanding the fantasy so well that you know exactly how to use it without letting it use you.
That’s how I see it now.
If a man wants his fantasy and I’m comfortable providing that experience, then fine. That’s part of the service.
He gets what he came for.
I get paid!
And I walk away still knowing exactly who I am.
Because the fantasy ends when the appointment ends.
I don’t.
And maybe that’s the part some people forget.
I’m not just someone’s Asian trans fantasy. I’m a whole person who happens to understand that there is a market for that fantasy, and I’m perfectly capable of turning that demand into my own business.
So yes, you can have your fantasy, as long as you make it rain for me 💰💰💰 Haha…
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