This is a comical take on some of my experiences and things I've learned over the years that I've been an escort. Some come from good times, others not so great but either way, there have been some memorable moments and once in a lifetime experiences I would never of otherwise had
There is no vanilla flavoured sex. There are lubes and condoms in vanilla.
A handful is not necessarily everyones handful when it comes to breast size or my attitude toward my outlook on life.
The word 'average' does not apply to penis size, however the words 'snug', 'just', 'not a hope in hell will it' and 'are you kidding me, like fuck it will' preceding the word 'fit' are actual penis sizes
People can be predictable yet suprising at the same time
Melbourne has the shittest weather but I still wouldn't trade it for all the places I've been
Melbourne has more adult stores than any other city I've been to, and by far the best stores of any that I've been to
Adelaide had the friendliest and most helpful taxi, Uber and Didi drivers, and they were the most appreciative of receiving a tip
Brisbane is too laid back and like sparkly glittery shit.
Glitter can still be found in lingerie you didn't wear in Brisbane 6 months later
Sydney self segregates which only divides itself
There are whole suburbs in different cities that don't even sell bacon. Bacon in my opinion is its own food group and a major food group all in one
Investing in good luggage is a well spent investment
Having multi-use items is a well spent investment
Buying lingerie is not a well spent investment but it is tax deductable
2 hours sleep to catch up on nearly 2 weeks of minimal broken sleep is not advisable but is possible
Coffee helps
Don't leave the house without checking mascara and lipstick
Finding bbq cleaner is the secret to getting silicone stains out of linen , lingerie and clothes without damaging fabric and quicker than soaking
Don't mix up personal and work phone numbers
Coffee in the morning is a smart move
Everyone you meet is not the last person you met, and deserves to be taken on face value and be respected. However the persons behaviour and character should decide whether they are worthy of your time and presence
Coffee is sooooo underappreciated
A phone call conversation can tell you so much about the character of ones self
Penises are their own person and have their own personality, learn to communicate with them
There is no place like home
Did I mention coffee?
A cuppa tea is more likely to perk you up than coffee
Don't wear my heart on my sleeve
Eat where truck drivers recommend. They know and appreciate a good hearty well-cooked meal so trust them on this
Fishnets actually keep your legs warmer than stockings which is illogical but factual
..to be continued
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