Competition,Comparison,and the Loneliness of Sex Work
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Lately I’ve been sitting with some uncomfortable thoughts about competitiveness in the sex work industry. Not the kind that pushes you to do better, refine your craft, or level up in healthy ways,but the kind that feels sharp, petty, and deeply unsupportive. I’m a full-service sex worker, and I genuinely love what I do. I’ve worked hard to build my reputation, my client base, and my sense of self within this industry. That’s why it’s been so disappointing to notice how often success can be met with silence, passive aggression, or outright hostility from other escorts….especially other women. There’s this unspoken expectation that we should all be “girls’ girls,” that sex workers automatically support one another because we understand the stigma, the risks, and the emotional labour involved. And while that does exist in pockets (and I’m grateful for those connections), there’s also a darker side we don’t talk about enough: jealousy disguised as concern, gossip framed as “warnings,” and a weird need to humble anyone who dares to do well. Success in this industry is rarely accidental. It comes from boundaries, consistency, emotional intelligence, self-marketing, and knowing your worth. Yet instead of celebrating that, I’ve seen how some people would rather tear others down than ask, What can I learn from her? It’s easier to label someone “lucky,” “fake,” or “problematic” than to confront your own insecurities. What makes this even harder is that sex work can already be isolating. We work independently. We’re constantly managing perceptions clients’, society’s, and our own. So when the very people who should understand that pressure choose to be bitchy or dismissive, it stings in a way that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. I’ve had moments where I’ve questioned whether I should dim myself, stay quieter about my wins, or make myself smaller to avoid backlash. And honestly? That’s heartbreaking. No one should feel guilty for thriving,especially in an industry that demands so much of us emotionally and mentally. I don’t believe there’s a finite amount of success to go around. One escort doing well doesn’t take away from another. Clients aren’t prizes to be fought over; they’re adults making choices based on connection, preference, and compatibility. There is room for all of us to exist, to grow, and to succeed in our own lanes. If you’re another sex worker reading this and feeling triggered or defensive, I invite you to sit with that and not in shame, but in curiosity. Ask yourself where the bitterness comes from. Ask whether it’s serving you. Because solidarity doesn’t mean pretending competition doesn’t exist; it means choosing not to weaponise it against each other. As for me…I’m choosing to keep showing up authentically, celebrating my wins quietly or loudly as I see fit, and surrounding myself with people! (inside and outside the industry) who don’t see my success as a threat. I didn’t come this far to apologise for doing well. And neither should you
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